Rather Vocalized Illusion on: Parenting

Sometimes it's nice to examine the basic inner workings of our past and have a good chuckle as people desperately try to make them work and apply in today's modern society. Like activists going on about racial equality when we already have a black president. And if there's always been something iffy about Parenting, it's the completely outdated methods in which so many people attempt to use today, and even the New Age methods that are having little no no effect. You see, what I've come to dislike about so many Parents nowadays is their sense of entitlement. The feeling that their children owe them something because they went through the stupidity of not using a fucking condom... or in the case of my parents: going at it like sex offenders all the fucking time.

Now, lately Yahoo Answers has been flooded with questions about Parenting, usually along the lines of "My kid is misbehaving! HELP!" People so desperate to be told what to do they can't think for themselves and develop their own methods for parenting. And you'd be surprised of some of the retarded answers that are given. I'll give you a few examples:

QUESTION: MY DAUGHTER IS CRYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! WHAT DO I DO?

Random Answer: You should see a psychiatrist about that. Maybe they can give you medication to give her. If she's crying, she needs to be taught to stop.

Apparently it never occured to them that the girl might be scared of something, or maybe she had a nightmare, or maybe she just wants her mother. Here's another one:

QUESTION: MY SON YELLS AND THROWS THINGS AND KEEPS SAYING HE HATES ME! PLEASE HELP!

Random Answer: He needs to be taught proper behaviour. You are the adult, make him stop!

Here's a crazy thought. You ever try talking to your son about what's bothering them? Because it's obvious that something is!

The whole concept of "You are the adult, he is the child, he must obey you" has been a long used method of Parenting, but it's never as clear cut as that with children, isn't it? Children and Teenagers only obey who they respect, and they only respect someone who has earned that respect. In the 70's and 80's, it was standard practise to use corporal punishment on children, and demand they respect you "or else". But it's worth mentioning that many of the Parenting methods from that era died out for a good fucking reason. As the 90's and 2000's came along, they only proved effective as long as you were bigger and stronger than the child, which isn't always a garuntee.

Muscle and intimidation are not good ways to earn your child's respect. The best way to earn a child's respect is to simply be nice to them. Talk to them. Ask them what's bothering them when they start acting out, and work hard to make them believe they can trust you. Earning your child's respect is much easier than earning the respect of anyone else. You simply have to give them the same respect they give you.

Despite the denial of many, not all parents are good parents. Anyone who does not get respected by their children has obviously not earned it. Pushing out or fathering a child and keeping it alive long enough to know wether you're respectable or not does not garner respect in and of itself. Prisons keep their subjects alive too, that doesn't mean the people running them are any bit respectable. What many of these "respect me or else" parents want is the illusion of respect. They want their child to go through the motions and show them respect at all times, regardless of personal feeling. And going through the motions is not real respect, and real respect is only eroded through behaviours like this. The people who have to demand respect are always the ones who deserve it the least. Anyone who has destroyed the respect and affection that children give their caretakers so freely from birth deserves exactly what they've gotten.

Very young children have the amazing ability to be brutally honest with people. When you son or daughter calls you mean or a bully, then storms off, that's probably because you are. Now, while what a 3 year old considers mean compared to a 30 year old differ greatly, that's still the case to them. Children have a lot more to say than you might think.

Now, I'd like to give an example from my own life if you'll induldge me for a moment.

One day, I went to pick up my daughter from her Day-Care on my way home from school. When I got there, I heard from one of the teachers that she had been getting into a fight with one of the other kids. They told me what happened, and then I went to find the two kids and ask them for their side of the story. When I did this, the teacher was confused as to why I was asking two toddlers what had happened. She called me out on poor parenting, which I tacfully ignored. Once I had the full story from all three, I was able to piece together what had happened and act accordingly.

Now, a lot of people might say "oh Children lie to avoid getting in trouble" but that's only when what they say isn't even being considered. Because I actually asked them for ther side allowed them to be honest with me. I know that because they both admitted to having a part in starting the fight. My genuine desire for their explaination showed them that I wasn't going to just take what the teacher said as face value, and that they could talk to me. This is what a parent is supposed to be able to do! Be someone their children can confide in, and be honest with. If you kid lies to you, that's only because you haven't shown that kind of understanding or caring.

When kids act out, psychiatrists try to attribute it to a mental illness and drug them up with medication. It's like kids aren't allowed to have feelings. They way so many people parent shows children that they're not allowed to be sad or angry. That they need to be happy and obiedient all the time. If they get angry at anything, then they'll be punished for it. Why do we do this to them? Why do we bold facedly tell them that what they think or feel doesn't matter? Like kids are somehow less human than adults are?

It's the whole concept of maturity and seniority. Parents will not listen to a word from anyone younger than them, as if being alive longer has somehow made them smarter or wiser. It's important to know that maturity is not based on knowledge, or degrees, or age. It's based on wisdom. There are a lot of very mature 14 year olds in the world, and a lot of imature middle-aged men. Perhaps the biggest sign of maturity is when you are wise enough to know that you are not mature. That you still have growing to do and things to learn. That there's the possibility that you could learn from someone younger than you.

Simply staying alive for 44 years doesn't instantly make you wiser than everyone under your age. Wisdom comes from being able to admit your mistakes, and being able to admit when you are wrong. It's not something that is a given just because you are older than another person.

If you as a parent think your child owes you something simply because you abide by the law and feed it, clothe it and shelter it, then you have missed the point entirely. You don't take care of your children because it's a future investment. You take care of them because you love them. If you think the care you give them as a child is something you should be re-imbursed for, then I personally feel sorry for your children.

I think every parent has potential. Any bad parent has the chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of their children. No parent is bad enough to never be forgiven. No one person could ever be condemmed as a horrible parent for life. (Remembers Joseph Fritzl) ...oh wait.